Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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