So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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