I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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