I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Randomize
