just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
