On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
