I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
