can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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