thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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