very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
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I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
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After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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