This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
