Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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