He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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