Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
