She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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