girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
