i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
