evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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