Kareoke will never be a sober sport
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
