there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
