It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
