You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
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You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
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Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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