I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
