I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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