Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
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Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
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Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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