I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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