I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
