i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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