Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
