so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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