hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
