i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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