Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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