i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
