i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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