yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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