hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She announced her abortion via fbk
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
