she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
