She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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