Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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