And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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