the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
