im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
