Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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