Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
