You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I need water and some morals
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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