I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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