I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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