please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You are a genius and a whore.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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