We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
