she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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