What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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