Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
