dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you win again, gameday.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
