mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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