Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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