Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
