If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
