im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
