Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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