How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I feel like abortions should bother me more
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
