We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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