You're so nebulous sometimes
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
