What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
