I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
