My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
