Apparently you make a good broom.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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