eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
