Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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