well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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