I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
People in love make me want to vomit
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
