a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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